How to change our behaviors...

The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.

Tony Robbins,

The 5 Keys to Good Health, All Day, Every Day...

1. Food. Food is not the devil. Fake food is the devil! Whether the latest article decries salt, sugar, fat, or meat, they all lead to the same conclusion. Eat real food, as Michael Pollan so wisely said, in moderate proportions. And cook your food yourself as much as you can. If you eat whole foods – fruits, veggies, whole grains, unprocessed, unfrozen, free of preservatives, made by you at home with fresh ingredients – you avoid all of the perils of excess of anything. The major problem with food in America is that much of it is so processed you might as well inject it via syringe into your arm. Because processed food tends to be packed with excess calories, salt, or chemicals, it kicks off an inflammatory state in the body, which is not meant to handle super-saturated nutritional bombs. So eat simply and well, most of the time, and help your body out immensely.

2. Sleep. Get some. Sleep is the time when your body takes itself to the shop and runs the repair software. If you’re chronically not getting enough sleep you’re behind the curve on oxidative damage, a natural byproduct of all metabolism. That damage to cells and DNA builds up, which is how we age. If you are tossing and turning get up out of bed, stretch, do a headstand, lie on your back with your feet up the wall, or meditate. (My favorite is the mantra “here” – just repeating it silently to myself can bring my head back from whatever hang-up it’s chewing on.) But whatever you do, don’t just lie there and struggle. Do something to quiet the mental or physical discomfort that is keeping you up. There’s no rule on hours. You know when you’re getting just enough!

3. Exercise. It’s all about sweat. A lot of yoga and exercise teachers shy away from saying you have to actually sweat, but you do. You don’t change your cardiovascular state or your energetic state if your workouts don’t include sweating. You also don’t get the glorious detox that is one of the main benefits of exercise. So find a way to sweat at least 3-4 times a week. Yoga is great, running, or plopping on one of those machines at the gym. For me a good sweat happens in half an hour, I don’t need to chain myself to a stairmaster all day. But once my shirt is sticking and my nose is dripping that is the truest simplest sign that I’ve moved and moving is the one thing our bodies need the most to be healthy.

4. Meditation. Meditation is about being, not doing. It’s a strange concept for busy people, who, like most of us, measure their lives by accomplishment. But truly, it’s not about doing one style of meditation and certainly not about doing any one kind “right.” It is simpler than that, and while the abstractness of “being” can make it seem hard, just start by seeing if you can sit for 10 minutes every day and be with yourself. Not asking anything of yourself or of your surroundings. Not judging or wanting or evaluating. Follow your breath in and our your nose if this helps you hold your attention. Or don’t. But sit still, alone, and in the quiet, and watch yourself for 10 minutes. This moment of calm self-observation acts as a rudder in life, steadying mind and body.

5. Enthusiasm. I was going to say Love, but Love has all these sticky meanings attached to it. Enthusiasm seems simpler. It’s what one school of meditation I practice teaches as a fundamental. If you can find enthusiasm for anything – life, work, a chore, a problem, your meditation practice, even your irritating coworker – you can find lightness. The mind will hold onto a whole lot of junk that enthusiasm, paired with a little amusement, like a magic wand, has the power to dissipate. And when you dissipate all those whirligig thoughts you find clarity and then, quite often, a way forward. Enthusiasm is like spring-cleaning the storage closet of your head.

How to Always Get What You Want...

Having our dreams come true is the ultimate satisfaction of life. We love to get what we want. But what do we really want? It's a simple question, but one that many can't answer without going into a mental struggle between hopes, dreams, and expectations. A question so evident, yet so complex that an answer is never easily found. But somewhere between our racing thoughts, fantasies and outer expectations there lies a voice of truth. If that sounds a little too abstract, here are some tips to compliment the little voice that always pushes you to get exactly what you want.

Pay great attention to detail: The first step in getting what you want is simply creating a list of your wishes and then focusing in on the details. This involves a lot of self reflection. It is a process of developing an inner understanding of your unique identity. Happiness or money or a perfect partner are all great starting points, but they are not detailed enough.You need to search within yourself to get to the seed of your desires. Why do you want it? What are the intentions behind it? Wanting an ex back because you're lonely, wishing for revenge on a former rival or even hoping for an expensive car that you can parade around town are all desires without substance. They are also usually based on hurt egos or social expectations, not personal aspirations. Be careful to identify your own wishes, not the wishes of the people or the society that surrounds you. Remember everyone is different, there are no universal measures of success.

Be tactical in your approach: As great as you may be at multitasking in your daily life, when it comes to manifesting your wishes, it is best to focus on one item at a time. An overflow of thoughts and desires make it impossible for you to focus your energy on achieving something. Take it one step at a time and be a tactical warrior. After you identify your wishes, prioritize them in order of importance. Then put all your time and focus on the one that ranks first. When the first one has been achieved, move on to the next.

Have the ability to bounce back: Disappointment or failure can often put us into hiding. We decide to give up or suppress our wishes because we are embarrassed of our failures. Let those thoughts go. Each failure is a great tip on what doesn't work.  And sometimes you have to go through all the things you shouldn't do in order to get to the formula that works best. So the lesson here is, have a thick skin and keep knocking on that door of opportunity. Sooner or later someone will answer. 

Think you can and know you can: Get in touch with your optimism. Channel all your positive energy and thoughts into your wish. Don't just hope it will happen, know it will happen. As difficult as it is to remain happy in the face of adversity, never allow yourself to sink into a whirlwind of pessimistic fears. As cliche as it sounds, nothing positive can happen without a positive mindset. 

Stay spontaneous and remain conscious: Let go of set plans. All we ever have in life is an outline. Have a focus but be open to pursuing different paths to get to your destination. When was the last time your life went according to plan? The universe is great at throwing us curveball, so be resilient but don't be stubborn. Sometimes there are unpredictable events in our lives that change us, therefore changing what we want. Be conscious of your changing wishes, stay flexible and adjust your direction accordingly. 

The truth is, getting what you want is not easy, but it is completely attainable: There is no magic wand or sparkly fairy dust that can instantly materialize your dreams into reality. Only you can do that. But if you are willing to dig deep within yourself and keep your mind clear and focused, you can become your own personal genie in a bottle. Never restricting yourself to a three wish limit.

Five listening techniques...

1. Pretending ignorance or 'Socratic': Socrates pretended ignorance in order to encourage others to express their views fully
2. Encouraging: Using various verbal and non-verbal means to encourage others to continue talking.
3. Noting and reflecting emotions: Identifying and sorting out the other person feelings.
4. Paraphrasing: Restating what the other person said in different words to allow him or her to confirm that you have understood what they intended.
5. Summarizing: Restating the conversation or a large part of it.

How to to Control Your Thoughts

"The best thing about the past is that it's over. The best thing about the future is that it's yet to come. The best thing about the present is that it's here now." - Richard Bandler

Life is here for us to experience, to learn, to grow. Sometimes we learn the hard way, sometimes we learn with joy and happiness. Our perspectives very much affect the way we choose to see our life experience. These could be misfortunes, pain, discomfort, and/or joy, happiness and pleasure. Believe it or not, many people unconsciously choose to learn the hard way. Never really believing in themselves and putting it down to “just bad luck”, “it always happens to me”, “I’ve come to expect it now”, “my life is rubbish.” But there is very good reason for this; beliefs, values, habits, addictions are all learned behaviors. If you’ve had a challenging life there may very well be a continuous belief that you are worth nothing more than this. But you are wrong! Everyone deserves to be happy and the difference between an optimist and a pessimist is simply the first 4 letters!

The unconscious mind is a powerful part of all of us, it’s where your thoughts, your behaviors, your thinking, your memories, your habits; your entire model of the world lives from this magical and mystical place! It has taken in every detail of everything you have ever seen, done, heard, smelt, tasted. Isn’t that amazing?

It’s no wonder that it’s a little difficult sometimes to move forward when the chains of your past are holding you back. Or maybe you have that little voice whispering in your ear that you are no good at something, that you don’t deserve to be happy.

If you find that your general thinking is along these lines, then it’s time to take back control! Life doesn’t have to be a struggle, things don’t need to be more difficult than they are because you can change how you think!

When you find yourself going back into a past memory or saying something which is detrimental to your well-being follow this simple technique:

• Find a quiet place where you can sit and not be interrupted and close your eyes (you can keep your eyes open if it’s easier).

• Bring in the thought or the words that are causing you frustration or discomfort.

• Really connect with the emotions as though it is happening now, notice where you feel it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it.

• As soon as you feel the connection, imagine or pretend to step back out of the experience so you can see yourself there, as though you are watching yourself on a movie screen.

• When you are ready, using your imagination, push the screen away from you, as far as possible across the room, across to next door, across to the next county, city, into the sea, into another country! As far away as you can until it is no longer in your sight.

• Come back into the room, ask yourself what color your front door is or do a quick jog on the spot…..(trust me on that bit!).

If you are doing this properly it should only take one or two turns, but if you find it a little more challenging using your imagination you can try it as many times as you like. The most important thing is that you are fully connected to the feeling when you push the screen away from you.

Take control...

“Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life.”